A Traditional Malacca Portuguese-Eurasian Engajement and Marriage

It would be interesting to acquaint oneself with the traditional engagement and marriage customs of the Malacca Portuguese-Eurasian community, practised until as recently as forty or fifty years ago. Most of the old ceremonies are however dying off and forgotten, due to the tide of western influence. Though many would prefer the revival of these customs, it appears that time is against them.

Hence, with the passing out of the older generation, the new generation may suffer the tragic loss of a beautiful tradition which mirrors the identity of the Portuguese-Eurasian.

Identifying this tradition with the Malacca Portuguese-Eurasians should not be construed as a slight to the Eurasian community as a whole. The main purpose is to focus attention to the ethnic group instrumental in the development of this tradition which is basically the assimilation of Portuguese and Malay.

The term "Eurasian" refers to a conglomerate of ethnicities, diverse in racial backgrounds, and none possessing a definite identity. The Portuguese-Eurasians or "Jente Cristang" is, on the other hand, identifiable by its language, culture, religion and traditions, of which the local engagement and wedding ceremonies serve as examples.

It is an historical fact that marriages between the Portuguese and the Malay population of Malacca were common. Therefore, it should not be surprising to observe certain similarities between the Malay and Cristang weddings.

Marriages were basically between Portuguese men and Malay damsels. In the absence of Portuguese families, it is obvious that marriage arrangements were made by the bride's family. Hence, the bride's costumes followed local traditions. Considering the norms of those times, no parent would be naive as to discard traditions, let alone adopt a foreign one. With this tradition being handed down from mother to daughter, it finally became part and parcel of the local-born Portuguese tradition in Malacca, and is still being kept alive to a lesser extent.

In bygone days, parents take keen interest in obtaining a wife for their son when he comes of age for settling down. This is a typical eastern practice adopted by the Malacca Portuguese, influenced once again by the maternal custom. They usually request an ederly lady to enquire whether he wishes to be married. In those days, parental authority was absolute and no parent would pose such a question directly. If the son so wishes, then a girl of their choice would be named. He may, however, disagree and name his choice instead. This was not his prerogative but only a privilege. Parents may, however, force him to accept the girl of their choice if they so desire. Should his choice be found suitable however, they would send a "feeler" or intermediary to that girl's parents. Similarly, if the choice is theirs. This is also the local Malay norm known as "meminang", or "Pica Kazaminto" in Papia Kristang.

Normally, a well-respected elderly lady is chosen as the "feeler" and given the task of obtaining the views of the girl's parents. The "feeler" chooses an appropriate time to make the visit. She engages them in casual conversation, at the same time hint on the good qualities of the lad before she eventually discloses her true mission. It is customary for the girl's parents to request a week's grace to consult their daughter and relatives, prior to giving a positive reply. As a rule, parents never give an immediate reply, for fear of being branded as boy grabbing or their daughter being cheap. Immediate rejection is also unethical as it might give rise to serious embarrasment to both parties, especially the suitor. Sensitivities play an important role in the lives of the people and must be avoided.

The "feeler" relays this message to the boy's parents. She returns to the girl's parents after a week's lapse to obtain the decision. If the parents find the match unsuitable, a polite excuse would be given thus: "We have consulted our daughter but she feels that she is too young for marriage". If, on the other hand, the match is suitable, and affirmative reply would be given, which the "feeler" conveys to the boy's parents. An appropriate date would then be fixed for the engagement ceremony.

In the old days, bachelors and spinsters were forbidden to witness the engagement ceremony. Even such members of the household were not allowed. Children were totally unacceptable. No parent would bring along their children for such occasions for fear of giving a bad impression. Engagements were taken seriously and considered as "half-marriages". For after the engagement, both parties have to adopt a more respectful and responsible behaviour. The boy has to prove himself hardworking and must avoid gambling, drinking or keep late nights. The girl must learn to cook, sew and good house-keeping. She must also avoid frequent conversations with other boys. In other words, she has to keep herself virtuous and upright. The engagement period is the period when avoid this exemplary behaviour might result in breaking off the engagement to the embarrassment of both parties.

The engagement ceremony usually takes place on Saturday or Sunday. There are however popular days preferred, for example, "Domingo de Pasco" (Easter Sunday), "Festa de San Juang" (Feast of Saint John), or "Festa de San Pedro" (Feast of Saint Peter). The parents of both parties are expected to inform their elders and other relatives as well as request their attendance. A "spokesman" is also appointed by each party to officiate the engagement. Those invited will assemble at their respective venues. The suitor's party will then walk in a group to the girl's house, with the "spokesman" leading. This parade is actually meant to impress the family strength.

On arrival, they will stop at hearing distance from the house and the "spokesman" will call the "dono de case" and "pedi licencia entra". They may only enter after the girl's "spokesman" says "teng licencia, fazer fabor entra".

This done, a member of the boy's party would be sent to the neighbour's house and bring the young man with his escort to the girl's house. The escort would bring along a basket containing two bottles of brandy and hand it to the girl's parents. Then the young man is presented to the girl's parents and relatives and asked to take a seat.

The chaperone then brings the girl in and present her to the young man, who shakes her hand. The engagement rings are then exchanged. Drinks are served and the health of the newly engaged couple toasted and drunk, whereby her spokesman would say: "Assi di commenco teng alegria nos confia nos logo teng alegria ate fing". (We hope there is happiness from beginning to the end). The people would then be invited to tea, cakes and other refreshments specially prepared for the occasion.

Afterwards the subject of the wedding date would be brought up. In order to maintain his dignity, the boy's father would say: "Mas presta mas bong". (The earlier the better) The girl's father would suggest a period of about six months subjected to mutual agreement of course. This finished, the boy's party would wish: "Mutu Merce - bong anoite" (Thank you and good night) and then go home.

The next day, a Sunday, the young man would have to go and see the girl. He is not allowed to go alone, but would be taken by the escort of the previous evening or another elderly person. On reaching the house the escort would seek the parents' permission for the Noibo to see the Noiba. The girl would then come out and they shake hands again. The elderly people would then retire leaving the couple to themselves. This formed their first courtship.

On entering they find her parents and relatives waiting to welcome them. The young man must not be in the company, but must wait with an escort at a neighbour's house. After the exchance of salutations, the 'spokesman' addresses the girl's parents: "Eo ja beng cum recado de Senhor e Senhora Antonio Pereira por pidi caza cum Senhor e Senhora Juang sua fila, Maria, cum Senhor e Senhora Autonio sua filo, Jacob. Nos fica cum grande confiança ki nos logo recebe uma bong reposta". (On behalf of Mrs. and Mr. Antonio Pereira I wish to request the hand of your daughter Maria in marriage to their son Jacob. We believe that a favourable response would be forthcoming). The 'spokesman' appointed by the girl's parents replies: "Eo parti de Senhor e Senhora Juang fica mutu alegri per acede, mas nos miste pregunta com Noiba canto ella taming acede". (On behalf of Mr. and Mrs. Juang I wish to say that we are happy to oblige; but we must first obtain the girl's consent). At this juncture, a chaperone brings the girl in. Her parents' spokesman then addresses her: "Maria, Senhor cum Senhora Antonio logo fica mutu alegri quanto bos accede caza com olotro sua filo Jacob". (Maria, Mr. & Mrs. Antonio shall be very happy if you agree to marry their son Jacob) She shyly and softly replies: "Quanto eo sua mama cum eo sua papa contente, eo taming contente". (If my parents agree, then I agree also)

Those present would applause, let off fire--crackers and congratulate the parties. The girl would be taken back by the chaperone. Then the young man's spokesman would again address the girl's parents: "Senhor cum Senhora Juang, eo pidi licensia por Noibo encontra cum Noiba" (Mr. & Mrs. Juang, may I request that the boy meet the girl.) The girl's father would reply: "Mutu alegri Senhor, teng licensia por Noibo encontra cum Noiba". (With your pleasure and permission for the boy to meet the girl).

Engagement offers little privileges to both parties. The boy is not allowed to take his fiancee for outings or dates. It is in fact, a period of preparation for the wedding. He is however, allowed to pay court at her house on Saturdays and Sundays only. Even this is restricted to certain hours. He may bring his fiancee out with her parents' permission but in the company of a lady chaperone. By present standards, this is considered old-fashioned. Bearing in mind the requirement of virgin brides, this practice safeguards the requisite. It must also be appreciated the high moral standard expected of both parties. A non-virgin or pregnant bride brings disgrace to her family in particular, and embarrassment to the bridegroom's family.

When engagements are performed at home, marriage should ensue within a year. If it is officiated by a priest, the wedding should take place within six months. Any delay to the stipulated period must be agreed upon by parties. In the latter case, by the priest as well.

Two months before the end of the engagement period, the girl's parents would send their spokesman to the boy's parents to discuss the wedding date, publication of marriage banns and financial arrangements. The boy's spokesman must also be present at this discussion and offer advice whenever necessary, so that a compromise is achieved in case of disagreement.

In normal circumstances "trez pregang" (three banns) are announced in church on three consecutive Sundays before the wedding. Only in exceptional cases would one bann or first and final bann ("trez fazer ungupregang") be permitted. In this case, announcement is made on the last Sunday before the wedding.

As always, mothers are entrusted with many duties and responsibilities. In this case, the mothers are duty-bound to inform their respective elders and relatives before the first publication of the marriage banns. This is done on Thursday prior to the announcement. Similarly for the second and third banns. This notification is called "abiza pregang".

The Malacca Portuguese-Eurasians consider verbal invitations more significant. It is obligatory to invite relatives verbally. Close friends also expect similar invitation. The mothers are once again entrusted with the duty of making verbal invitations. This is usually done two weeks before the wedding. A lady companion accompanies each of them for the invitation rounds. The mother wears a sarong and kebaya with a handkerchief.

In fact, her mode of dressing illustrates the purpose of her visit. Her companion normally explains the purpose, while she makes the invitation proper, which goes like this: "Com recado de eo taming eo sa marido, isti tu dar sabe qui eo sa fila, filo ta cazar co...... na....... Isti abizu teng pra bos, bossa marido co tudu familia attende de comi noibo ate missa greza. Nang bos falta beng sabe? Nang skise ah."

The invitee normally says: "Canto bossa aliada nos miste bai. Seza eo mucca a cha bai, eo hogo mandar otro attende. Nos ja cai tanto tempo cambrado firmi onde pode nunca bai. Nossa aliada bos ja beng judar cai pode nos ficar 'ngrato. Nos miste attende."

Verbal invitation has two functions viz.

(1) Invitation as guests only.

(2) To attend and render services, such as cooking, washing and waiting upon the guests.

Those called upon to assist are asked to attend the "dar comi noibo", "cazaminto" and "noibo missa greza". Relatives, "compadre, comadre, marra crenche macho, marra crenche feme, padrinho and madrinho" are however, expected to attend all three functions.

The cooks and kitchen hands may number between ten to twelve persons. The bride's mother must appoint one of them as chief cook and also inform the other helpers. The chief cook supervises in the preparation of condiments, cutting and serving, and ensures everything is prepared in time. He or she would estimate the amount of food required and accompany the bride's father to do the marketing. It is important for the hosts to keep the kitchen hands happy. Normally, the hosts supply them with one or two bottles of spirits to keep them in a happy mood.

Marriages were, in those days, solemnised on Tuesday. At that time, most of the community were fishermen or self-employed. Holding the wedding on Tuesday does not, therefore, inconvenience many. Weddings are, nowadays, held on Saturday for convenience sake.

There are several ceremonies before the wedding proper. One of which is the "fazer cama" or preparation of the bridal chamber. This ceremony takes place on Sunday preceding the wedding. The "comadre" or lady-sponsor is responsible for this. After the bridal chamber is set and done, a "cronche" is pinned above the door of the chamber, after which she summons the mothers of the bride and groom for their opinions. The chamber is then locked and sago cake ("abo-abo") and tea is served to the elders of both families who have already been invited earlier. There is a superstition that those unmarried who see the bridal chamber whould not get married. Even the bride is not allowed to see the prepared chamber.

A "cronche" is also pinned above the entrance doors of the bride's, bridegroom's, compadre's, comadre's, bestman's and bridesmaid's houses, signifying direct involvement with the wedding.

On the wedding eve, Monday, a ragging ceremony called "mara strado" is held at the girl's house. A "dais" or platform with a canopy is erected in a corner of the sitting room and elaborately decorated. A "cronche" is placed in the centre of the canopy, indicating chastity or purity. Three chairs are placed on the platform, with a large mirror behind. At six in the evening, in the presence of guests and relatives, the girl would be made to sit on the centre chair, and her left wrist fastened to the arm of the chair.

Then, the lady-sponsor, in mocked solemnity, calls the bridegroom-to-be and the man-sponsor and says: "A certain 'cow' came into my garden today and ate all my fruits and vegetables. Do you know the owner?" The man-sponsor turns to the boy and enquires whether the 'cow' belonged to him. He replies: "I have to go and see first". He is then brought before the girl, and he confirms that the 'cow' belongs to him, and that he wants her back. "No," says the lady-sponsor, "you cannot have her unless you pay compensation". Well," says the boy, "what will you have? "Oh," says the lady-sponsor, "say, a bottle of spirits". He gives her the bottle, and then unties the girl. There is much laughter, followed by drinks. The party is then invited to dinner which is called: "Dar comi noibo" or 'the bachelor's dinner'.

On the wedding day, Tuesday, two similar ceremonies take place at the bride's and the bridegroom's houses. They are held a little before the bride and bridegroom leave for church. Invitation to this ceremony is restricted to relatives, the man-sponsor and bestman who form the groom's party. The bride's party would, besides relatives, include the lady-sponsor and bridesmaid. Wine is served and a toast made. After which the bride or bridegroom, as the case may be, kisses the hand of their parents and elder relatives. He or she tells them that he/she is leaving for marriage at the same time ask for their blessing. This simple ceremony is called "larga noiba" for the bride and "larga noibo" for the groom.

On the wedding day, Tuesday, the bride dresses in a long white blouse ('kebaya') and a long silk skirt ('saia'). She is bedecked with jewelry and her plaited coiffure studded with semi-precious stone headed pins. Her father, the lady-sponsor and the bridesmaid escort her to church in a 'palanium' or 'gharry'. Relatives and friends follow by other means.

The bridegroom dresses in a suit and wears a 'bowler' or top hat. He is escorted to church by his father, the man-sponsor and the bestman. He has to be in church before the bride arrives.

After the wedding ceremony, the newlyweds sit in the carriage in the company of the bridesmaid and bestman, on their way home. About twenty yards away from the bride's house the carriage halts, the bride and groom alight and stand next to each other. The bridesmaid and bestman hurries to the house. The bridesmaid takes a tray of scented flowers and leaves, and the bestman holds a sprinkler containing perfumed water. They stand at the gate while Portuguese wedding music is played. The groom then takes three steps forward and salutes the bride and then the guests with his hat. The bridesmaid then comes forward and pins a brooch ("cronche") on the bride's dress as a sign of virginity. A widow does not enjoy this privilege on remarriage. Then she shakes hand with the bride and groom and retires next to the bestman. As the married couple approaches the house compound, the bridesmaid and bestman simultaneously sprinkle the scented flowers and the perfumed water over their heads, and then on the guests. This ceremony is called "recebe noiba"(welcoming the bride).

On entering the house, the couple receive the congratulations from their parents and relatives first, followed by the guests. A reception party is thrown but no toast is made as this is reserved for the dinner. After the reception, the guests disperse and even the bridegroom returns to his house.

At four o'clock in the afternoon, the bride dressed in her wedding garments sits on the centre chair placed on the previous day, with the lady--sponsor on her right and the bridesmaid on her left, await the arrival of the guests for dinner. At five o'clock, the bridegroom and his entourage arrive, and dinner is immediately announced. The groom accompanies the bride to the table, the man-sponsor, the lady-sponsor, the bestman and the bridesmaid. Care must be taken that preference at the table is given to the parents and relatives of the groom, otherwise it would be considered lack of etiquette.

Drinks are served before the commencement of dinner. During dinner, a string of toasts are proposed and honoured, comencing with the bride and groom, their parents, relatives, bridesmaid, bestman and all who have rendered assistance. The man-sponsor proposes the first toast to the bride and groom and eulogises their qualities. The groom replies and proposes a toast to the sponsors. This usually takes up much time and it leaves the man-sponsor no time to eat his dinner! Dancing and drinking follows the dinner until the early hours of the morning.

Before the bride and groom retires for the night, her mother informs the "compadre" and "comadre". The "compadre" would call the groom aside and advise what is expected of him. Similarly, the "comadre" advises the bride also giving her a white sheet to be placed on the bridal bed.

Early next morning, the "compadre" and "comadre" will come to the bride's house to find out the night's transaction. They inspect the white sheet to see telltale signs of conjugation and virginity. After ascertaining it, the "cronche" from the chamber door is removed and placed with the folded sheet on a tray. They then summon the bride's parents and the groom hands the tray to them and kisses their hand signifying their daughter's virginity. The groom's parents are also informed and invited to see the evidence themselves if they so desire.

The bride's mother will then go round and invite the groom's parents and relatives for lunch and dinner. This is called "noiba quarta fera". After lunch, the guests adjourn to card parties. Dinner follows in the evening with the bride and groom waiting on the guests, and are not allowed to sit at the table. After dinner, the guests are invited to join the "branyo", with drinks flowing freely until midnight. The day's expenses should actually be borne by the groom. However, he only pays a token sum. The day's celebration is called "branyo quarta fera".

On the following Sunday, the couple attends Mass. After Mass, they pay respects to their parents, and visit those who rendered assistance at their wedding to thank them personally. This is called "noiba missa igreja".

If their parents have sound finance, another dinner follows, ending with the traditional "branyo".

So concludes the ceremony and felicitations of "A Traditional Malacca Portuguese-Eurasian Engagement and Marriage".•

NOTE

Weddings are as a rule, organised and held at the bride's house. In this case, both parties share the expenses. As the groom's share is already fixed earlier, the bride's side has to incur whatever sum incurred. Normally, it is the bride's party which incurs more money. When the bride's family is too poor to organize the wedding, then her parents will have to surrender the organisation and the venue to the groom's family. When this happens, the bride's family will not invite their relatives and friends, neither would the family attend the reception and dinner.

The surrendering of the bride is called "entrega noiba".